Friday, March 13, 2009

Leading Through Brokenness (A Repost)

Leading Through Brokenness

March 11, 2009

griefI find leading worship to be an almost disturbingly intimate activity - a sharing of my innermost emotions in front of others. When I first began to be the actual worship leader, center stage, responsible for the worship set, I felt naked and exposed as I poured out my heart. It was difficult for me to be truly vulnerable and expressive in front of others. It was an uncomfortable sensation for me. It has been a recurring struggle for me to worship with honesty while others are watching.

As difficult as I found this to be, it really paled in comparison to leading worship during times of personal brokenness. During the dark seasons of life, the feelings of exposure felt heightened for me. I’m sure you have had moments like this - times in your life when you’d rather have been anywhere in the world but on that stage responsible for leading anyone else to worship God.  Moments you cannot bear the thought of anyone seeing what is happening in your own soul. This is particularly true when you may have been struggling to worship Him yourself.

Most of us - given enough time in ministry leadership - will deal with family issues, difficulties and conflict in ministry, the death of a loved one, depression, burnout or troubled relationships. Any of these (and more) can make leading others in worship an extreme challenge. It may not be that we don’t feel like worshiping God ourselves, although at times that may be true as well. It might be that we simply don’t feel able to lead anyone else at that moment. The guilt this causes can just deepen the feelings of hopelessness we might feel.

I’ve had several notable times in my life when I’d rather have sat on the back row, anonymous in my worship, able to simply sit in God’s presence without the pressure of leadership. There have been times I wanted to run away from leadership. Moments when stepping on the stage was painful. Worshiping in front of others seemed impossible. Trying to lead was excruciating. I felt like a hypocrite and a failure and felt empty and shattered - in short, I had nothing left to give.

Continue reading here.

Written by Jan Owen  

Jan serves as the Minister of Worship Arts at The Brook in Madison, Alabama. She loves her family, her very patient team, songwriting, traveling, blogging, reading and of course, Alabama football. Blog: www.aworshipfulheart.typepad.com Twitter: janjowen

8 comments:

  1. Nakakailang baso ka na ng tubig ngaun? ;p

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  2. Ano naman kinalaman ng blog dyan? Read it, Bro. It's worth it.

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  3. I know, but the blog doesn't have anything to do with it. Nice read, right? :)

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  4. Yupyup! :) I even checked the link.

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  5. worship does not depend on how we feel, but Who we worship. Faithfulness..

    Definitely tells us that we should handle our emotions well..

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  6. What I love about the article is that it's not only applicable to worship leading. At one point or another, we are called to lead... at church, in school, at our work, in our organization, etc. :)

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